Field Day

The Beast Within Party As Covered In The Social Pages of a Lifestyle Bi-Monthly, Named After Some Viscous Liquid

Picture of guy in a safari hat, with what appears to be a stuffed snake hanging from his crotch looking into camera with glazed eyes.

Picture of guy with a wolverine do and a girl who drained an entire can of hairspray on her do, both looking into camera with glazed eyes.

Picture of a girl in a tube top and her friend who would rather be left alone but were polite enough to flash two pairs of glazed eyes into camera.

Picture of guy looking with glazed eyes not into camera but at the stage, where our two paid professionals are working. You might ask yourself, “Hey, those paid professionals look awfully familiar.” Perhaps you’ve seen them in our spreads for the Bicardi Beach Party. No wait, maybe it was our Devil’s Bar special. Or was it our story on the Singapore Motorshow? I forget.

Picture of two girls with Karaoke folders on their laps, looking not at all glazed into camera. But our photo department can fix that so as to better represent the night’s hedonistic pursuits and this publication’s journalistic credibility for being hip and with it.

***

I waited and waited some more at the Black Forest Karaoke Bar, but that Theresa Teng song never came on as requested.

關淑怡 – “忘記他”

Appendix to a Text Sent Earlier at Four In The Morning

gd mornin u. slpt well? sori, if i woke u earlier. i was hopin dat d 8 shot of whiskey wld put me rite out but i guess it didnt :) so i stayd up n got 2 thinkin bout my job, my life, my frens successes n grew inexplicably bittr n resentful. den came shame n i broke dwn. dis went on 4 a gd hr or 2. anger. tears. whiskey. anger. mor tears. mor whiskey. @ some pt. i must hav picked up d phone n txt u. once again im sori. i dun generally call ex-girlfrens when im drunk, depressd, or alone. dis wun happen again. i knw ive said dis b4 on nu yrs eve n ok... xmas 2. but dis time its diff. i can feel it. anyhws, if its not 2 much 2 ask, cld u pls delete my earlier txt? thnks.

***

You don’t need to know Japanese to sing along to this one.

UA – “電話をするよ”

Explaining Indie to My Friend Mark with Refrains From Imaginary Indie Songs

Mixtape! Mixtape! Mixtape!
Mixtape for your birthday.
Mixtape for our anniversary.
Mixtape for when I’m sorry.
– Mixtape

Say you wanna come back to my place.
Say you wanna hear me play my guitar.
I’ve written you this special song.
It’s special cos I’ve avoided the chords:
A, G, D, Em, and C.
– Chords By Heart

You can file ’em under Genre.
You can file ’em under Labels.
You can even file ’em Alphabetically.
Just don’t file bands with the article “The” under T.
– The The

What if she says no?
What if she ignores me?
What if she breaks my heart?
Why does it have to be this complicated?
I think I’ll just masturbate.
– Talk To Her

***

Hefner had a really good run then the French came along and they became all Casio-y. I do enjoy the occasional Casio sound but you can always tell a song written on a guitar but played on a Casio. The tune’s potential is often tragically lost in transcription.

Hefner – “Love Will Destroy Us In The End”

Shameless Plug

This here’s for all to sample, loop. slice, rap over, or simply diss.

Spotless – “When You’re Drunk.”

Timesaving Tips From The Guy with a Laptop at Starbucks

The guy with a laptop at Starbucks just wants you to know that you don’t have to spend your coffee break time on idle banter and free weeklies. No. With a laptop and these timesaving tips, you too can take your coffee break time to the next level and stay on top of your game. It’s easy, if you only apply yourself.
Time it takes for Windows to start up = time it takes to tear the tin foil off your cream cheese spread. If you can’t find a dog-eared corner on your cream cheese spread for easy access, load Norton Anti-virus before returning to your cream cheese spread with a knife.
Time it takes for Word to do a grammar check = time it takes to empty two sachets of sugar. With practice, you could maybe do three sachets in the given time.
Time it takes for Excel to compute five columns and seven rows = time it takes to spread cream cheese over one half of a bagel. Note, if you’re on Windows XP, the guy with a laptop at Starbucks recommends a metal knife over a plastic one. This way, you can shed a couple of seconds off spreading without running the risk of breaking your plastic knife.
Time it takes for Centrino to load a typical web page (we ran Reuters’ Homepage for our tests) = time it takes to wipe your mouth with a paper napkin, fold, and wipe again. Note, that these are approximate figures. We have yet to factor in the speed of your coffee shop’s Internet provider and the size of your mouth.
Time it takes to save a thirty-page PowerPoint file = time it takes to finish half a blueberry muffin. This excludes the time it takes to pick up the muffin crumbs. For that, the guy with a laptop at Starbucks recommends a spoon and some butter. Simply apply generous amounts of butter on your spoon (depending on how much crumbs you’ve… crumbled), and pick them crumbs with your buttered spoon. Margarine works as well. If you find crumbs on your keyboard, be sure to blow them off first.

Good luck and see y’all latte.

***

Dude, what’s up with your affinity for acoustic takes on songs? There was that Postal Service tune from Iron and Wine a while back and now this. You really ought to embrace technology a little more. Technology good. Technology friend.

Flaming Lips, The – “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”

Twenty-O-Four

For relaxing times, make it Suntory time. Dude, this sucks, you came all the way here and we can’t meet up? I’m sorry but the car can barely make it up thirteenth without skidding. There’re kids tobogganing on the streets as we speak. Okay, here’s the plan for the day, we walk down Kowloon and every bar we see along the way, we pop in for a drink. Hey! Can you tell your friend to get off the swing, that’s strictly for the strippers. No longer then was he our mutual friend. Green tea latte at the Green Cafe, it’s as perfect as it sounds. I could do this every Friday night, cold beers on the balcony with the boys, Japanese tourists down below. Go on, sing us a song. But I don’t know any Korean tunes. No, English’s fine, go on. I feel like Bill Murray right now. They will see us waving from such great heights, come down now they’ll say. Dude, you’re not going to believe this but guess who just stepped in with a skateskooter? Gentlemen, I feel like some ten-dollar action. A sequel and a movie set in real time, glad I caught this one alone, on a weekday, in the morning. Some movies you really don’t want to discuss or hear others discuss once the credits start rolling. So D, have you ever had snake meat? Fuck yeah! And dogs? Hell yeah! What about rabbits? Are you kidding? Of course not, rabbits’re for peasants. You’re a December kid, you ought to know better not to combine the birthday present with the Christmas. If ever we were to break up, this will be exactly how it’s going to happen, sans Lacuna Inc. So, when was the last time you guys spoke with Gary? Excuse me, guys? Is that your friend who just passed out back there? What? you’re married with a son? Geez, what’s his name? Jack for short, Jackson when he’s done something wrong. First time to Beijing? Have you checked out Tiananmen yet? Personally, I think it’s just a slap of concrete. And finally, I’m gonna pile-drive you!

On How a Christmas Gift Defines a Relationship

You are Christmas shopping for a friend. She’s a good friend. You’ve known her for three years now. And though attractive, you’ve never thought of her in a romantic way. And you know, for a fact, that she doesn’t, not even remotely, think of you in a romantic way as well. The signs are there. She reminds you that she’s content with the one she’s with. She punctuates her anecdotes with, “you should meet whoever sometime, the two of you look good together.” And you never once caught her staring at you while you’re looking the other way, distracted, or sleeping. Having said that, you know that if ever you were to crash on her couch after a party, she’ll probably pull the quilt over your exposed arm should the quilt run disarray in the middle of your slumber. But only because she’s a nice person and nice people see that no parts of you are exposed while you slumber. So now you’re at the mall, running these thoughts in your head to help decide an appropriate gift for your nice friend. Ideally, the gift should say, “thanks for pulling the quilt over my exposed arm though I know you don’t think of me in a romantic way. Not even remotely.” Then your head starts aching so you decide, fuck it, you’re going to take your cue from her gift to you last Christmas – a toiletry set. Big mistake. She opens your gift to her, sees a body scrub set and lets sound a barely audible “oh.” You open your gift from her and find an elegant ring. What? How did we get from toiletry set to a thousand dollar ring? Has she, in fact, been staring at you while you slumber?

***

This one sounds like a Thai band covering a Sarah Label tune in Japanese.

Supercar – “My Girl”

Letter to the Editors of Lonely Planet Tokyo

Dear John and Chris,

Let me begin by saying, great job on the guide. With your guide in hand, I never once had to pause and check out subway routes and prices. Instead, I caught every train and reach my intended destination with the confidence and lethal efficiency of a local. Clearly you guys live and breathe Tokyo. Which is why I think you two may be able to help me here.

I’ve noticed many straight Tokyo men with tote bags slung under their arms. I’m not talking about those you get free with fifty-dollar purchases. These bags are fancier. Not Gore-Tex, All-Weather, All-Terrain fancy. More Hermes Birkin fancy. And I have seen them in suede, denim, velvet, canvas, and what appears to be leather. At least it smelt like leather, only it was purple and it had this really long fur. Do they have cows in Siberia?

Okay, back to my original question. Given to my curiosity, I decided to check one out at the Male section of a departmental store. I slung one under my right arm in front of a mirror, did a turn and thought, “boy, you really ought to carry one of these more often.” And the women will never tell you this, but dudes, these tote bags are really convenient. I could put everything in one, my iPod, wallet, notebook, digital camera, cell phone, ad infinitum. There’s even room for my hair clay. The Tokyo men, I think they’re really on to something here.

Here’s my question to you guys, can I pull off a tote bag given the following conditions: a, I’m a guy, b, I’m not Japanese, c, I’m not from Tokyo and d, I’m not planning on carrying one in Tokyo either. In my defense, they’re really, really convenient for my man stuff.

***

So I didn’t grab the tote bag after all. I’ve got loads of CDs though. The first tune today is off Lali Puna’s Micronomic E.P. With that plucking-intro, the same tune could easily be passed off as a B-side to a Notwist single. The second is by The Go! Team. Though instrumentally it’s pretty striped-down, by the album’s standards, you’d still get a good sense of the band’s playful energy. I like The Go! Team, they’re fun!

Lali Puna – “The Daily Match”

Go! Team, The – “Hold Yr Terror Close”

***

And the other B-sides.

Go! Team, The – “We Listen Everyday”

Go! Team, The – “The Ice Storm”

Selected Readings From an R&B Artiste (with an ‘e’)

One second baby please hear me
I’m not tryin’ to deny nuttin’
But how do I know if it’s mine
Gawd damn da hell is dat
Results from da doctor’s lab

Suga you gotta believe me
She means nuttin’ to me
Suga, y’all my heart
Ya sista, she’s just a spleen
It’s nice to have her, but I’ll live without her

Oh girl, please stop cryin’
Ya tears are tearin’ me up inside
Ya know I beat ya cause I love ya
Just like my rottweiler

***

It’s late. It’s cold out. You’re slouched on the couch in Julie Delpy’s apartment from “Before Sunset.” You’ve got a cup of chai, coffee, hot cocoa, whiskey, whatever, cradled in both hands and drifting in and out of sleep. Stay with me. Each time your eyes open, you catch warm glimpses of Christmas trimmings (less Mall of America, more Stars Hollow) from various corners of the apartment. And there in the background, you can barely make out these three lullabies.

Iron And Wine – “Such Great Heights”

Feist – “Gatekeeper”

Magnetic Fields, The – “Very Funny”

Million Dollar Makeover

There, a new masthead, a new biography, but alas, no new tunes. I’m in the midst of consolidating all my MP3s scattered between the iPod, a 3.5”, and a 2.5” external hard disk. Hopefully I could resume posting a couple of tracks tomorrow, fingers crossed.

***

Wonder Woman (at the mall): “Damn! Did I park the plane on deck 3a or b?”