Give the road kill a quick glance over, turn your head in the opposite direction and squirm, “I can’t look.” Then take a second look to make sure the road kill’s still lying there, motionless, in a pool of its own blood before repeating yourself, “I can’t look.”
Nothing. Simply pull the car to the side of the road, bow your head down, and say nothing.
Repeat the word, “Why” over and over again. But each time, say it with a different inflection to suggest the entire arc of your sensitive side. Beginning with shock, “Why?” Followed by anger, “WHY!” Then denial, “Why,” And finally acceptance, “why.”
Talk about the state we’re in. Beginning with, “I think the human species’ growing at an alarming rate.” Back that up with some alarming statistic, “Did you know that seventy acres of forests die every second? Woah, there goes another seventy acres now.” Following that, you might want to reflect, “Just imagine, this very stretch of highway used to be a breathtaking grassy knoll, home to thousands of woodland creatures, great and small.” Next in your best furry woodland creature voice, corner your date with some guilt-laden rhetoric. Try this, “I mean, how would you like it if I drove big shinny thing through your home?” Now wait for the guilt to settle in before going in for the kill*.
*Note, by ‘kill’ I don’t mean the road kill. Nor do I actually mean ‘kill’ by the literal sense of the word. Look, I’m not suggesting that you have it in you. I don’t know. Why would anyone consider killing anyone? Maybe he got caught up with the whole woodland creature act, and rationalizes that the human species could be such a selfish bunch. He then continues to develop such utter disdain for mankind; he decides to kill the first human he sees. Hey, I’m only trying to help you get laid.
Gnomic.
Posted by: Laces | 25 March 2005 at 10:41