Field Day

Actual Lines Lifted Off Japanese Pencil Cases

Keep popping you there
Laughing! Loving! Crying! Stabbing!
I am trend master
Best! Must! Hit! Shit!
Orange, are you happy?
Cracking me an egg hole
Fanny shopping on sunny day
We are rocking dogs
The Social Contract is nothing more or less than a vast conspiracy of human beings to lie to and humbug themselves and one another for the general good
Lick my sticky

***

I swear I don’t own a Buena Vista Social Club CD.

Smokey and Miho – “Blue Glasses”

Yet Another Sidekick’s Lot

Barney: “Okay, so you get to be in the driver’s seat whenever we car pool. And you got to be captain of the bowling team. But tell me this Fred, and be honest, are you truly happy? Because I look at Wilma and then Betty then Wilma again... I don’t know Fred.”

***

Until middlemay, I give y’all The Random Malkmus Lyric Generator: “Wrap me up in your arms like cellophane around my cereal bowl.”

Pavement – “Harness Your Hope”

The Beast Within Party As Covered In The Social Pages of a Lifestyle Bi-Monthly, Named After Some Viscous Liquid

Picture of guy in a safari hat, with what appears to be a stuffed snake hanging from his crotch looking into camera with glazed eyes.

Picture of guy with a wolverine do and a girl who drained an entire can of hairspray on her do, both looking into camera with glazed eyes.

Picture of a girl in a tube top and her friend who would rather be left alone but were polite enough to flash two pairs of glazed eyes into camera.

Picture of guy looking with glazed eyes not into camera but at the stage, where our two paid professionals are working. You might ask yourself, “Hey, those paid professionals look awfully familiar.” Perhaps you’ve seen them in our spreads for the Bicardi Beach Party. No wait, maybe it was our Devil’s Bar special. Or was it our story on the Singapore Motorshow? I forget.

Picture of two girls with Karaoke folders on their laps, looking not at all glazed into camera. But our photo department can fix that so as to better represent the night’s hedonistic pursuits and this publication’s journalistic credibility for being hip and with it.

***

I waited and waited some more at the Black Forest Karaoke Bar, but that Theresa Teng song never came on as requested.

關淑怡 – “忘記他”

Appendix to a Text Sent Earlier at Four In The Morning

gd mornin u. slpt well? sori, if i woke u earlier. i was hopin dat d 8 shot of whiskey wld put me rite out but i guess it didnt :) so i stayd up n got 2 thinkin bout my job, my life, my frens successes n grew inexplicably bittr n resentful. den came shame n i broke dwn. dis went on 4 a gd hr or 2. anger. tears. whiskey. anger. mor tears. mor whiskey. @ some pt. i must hav picked up d phone n txt u. once again im sori. i dun generally call ex-girlfrens when im drunk, depressd, or alone. dis wun happen again. i knw ive said dis b4 on nu yrs eve n ok... xmas 2. but dis time its diff. i can feel it. anyhws, if its not 2 much 2 ask, cld u pls delete my earlier txt? thnks.

***

You don’t need to know Japanese to sing along to this one.

UA – “電話をするよ”